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| I think I'm done. I can't think of anything more important than
the last post I wrote. Instead of this journal fading out of
existence, I'd rather end it; I'd rather it not linger,
unfinished, conclusionless, and anticlimactic...
So this is it. Slowly my site will drift to the bottom of the
recent updates of master's webring, and then to the bottom of the next
page... Soon it will be gone, lost in the archives of years
past, defeated by the relentless progress of time and human expression.
I have been honest. I have been passionate. I have been serious. My last words are only these:
I am in love with Jesus Christ.
Think whatever you want about that.
I hope you love Him too.
I hope you walk with God.
I hope you won't hesitate to be led by His Spirit.
I hope you will fellowship with Him in the mornings and in the evenings.
I hope you'll be content with knowing Jesus Christ.
I hope you'll rather have a dinner with Him than be in the company of anyone else.
I hope you look forward to being with Him today and tomorrow.
I hope you're closer to Him than I've been.
God bless you
-Brian Knapp
"Forgive and forget whatever was said, 'cause we're growing up by the hour.
I never would let it go on like it did; All good things have endings." -The Get Up Kids, Forgive and Forget
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| I am in love with Jesus Christ. think whatever you want about me saying that.
"what does loving Jesus Christ look like?"
It's not as much what it looks like as what it feels like. How
can you explain to someone what it is to love another? It's more
than actions. It's more than "looking like" I love Him.
It's more than being a "good steward" with anything. It is the
condition of my heart. How do I konw that I love Him? I know that I love Him because I do.
More importantly, He knows it.
"Now the end of the commandment is charity out of a pure heart, and of a good conscience, and of faith unfeigned."
I do not think that good works are the ultimate test to true love. I think they are merely an evidence. The Lord is the one who truly knows that I love Him, and I am satisfied with that.
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| The Lord is good.
One of the most meaningful passages regarding my fellowship with him,
"...He is a rewarder of them that diligently seek Him."
-Hebrews 11:6
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| I live so rarely in fellowship with my Lord. I am greatly
ashamed. I am greatly sorry. I miss Him. I am so
selfish with my heart - like a stubborn, untrusting wife - what a
grievance I must be - but grieving because He loves me and has chosen
to take me, to take me just as I am. And now, He wills to change
me - to free me from this sinful propensity. Perhaps this is what
I have been without all this time - Perhaps this is the
ever-frustrating and beguiling void in my walk. Perhaps this is
the key to my sanctification. Perhaps this is prayer without
ceasing; I just need to walk with God relentlessly - I just need to fix
my eyes on Jesus Christ in every waking moment. This is a
familiar conclusion...
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| I am greatly refreshed because of fellowship with my dear brother
Chad. I am very calm right now; I am deeply convicted; I am
peaceful; I am hopeful; I am joyful; I am not emotional; I am greatful;
I am humbled; I encouraged; I am enlightened.
"I hope you don't take it as being vulgar; I'm not trying to be vulgar;
I'm just using this analogy because Christ is our husband... God wants
to make love to us. And it's not physical - it's more than the
physical - it's spiritual. God wants to commune in fellowship
with us; God wants us to experience His presence, which is not just an
emotional climax... I used to sit in worship and beg God to experience
His presence but He wouldn't let me because I wasn't repentant.
God refuses to meet with us without making us Holy; if God lets me
experience His presence without me changing, that's just a
one-night-stand. No, God wants to make love to us - sex is
supposed to build a marriage - it's an expression of love, and it
should make the relationship deeper... And that's how God want's to
commune with us - with our participation in the relationship; When
people just want to be ravaged by God emotionally and not be changed,
they basically want God to rape them, but He doesn't want to do that;
He wants to love us through letting us experience Him, being changed by Him in a
relationship of mutual love and adoration."
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